Wednesday, May 26, 2010

It's moments like these

This blog will be short, but I felt as though I had to share this moment I had with Addison today. 

I was upset, thinking about all of the things my little peanut has been going through. Tomorrow is a BIG day for us, we are seeing the GI doctor and there is a strong possibility that she will have to get a G-tube. As I am sitting on the couch holding her, kissing her, I start to cry. I reach up and take my glasses off and as I do that Addison lays her head on the bridge of my nose, looks up at me and wipes away my tears with her little hands and then laid her head on my shoulder. That moment was indescribable, I felt at peace. It was as if she knows it will be okay and that was her way of telling me. She reminds me everyday how strong we both are. 

To be the mother of my two girls is the greatest honor and is truly humbling. Momma loves you girls!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Not just the monster under your bed

As a child I was scared of my closet being open while I was trying to sleep, of being left in the house alone, and my dolls after I watched Child's Play. Back then my fears were manageable, I could cuddle up with my mom and she could make all my fears wash away. It was so simple then.....

Now as a mother myself, my fears have changed. When Chloe was first born I was scared I would do or say something to eternally screw her up. I was scared of her falling, choking and getting sick. All of those fears in the years to come would somewhat subside as I learned how to be a mom and watched what a wonderful person she was becoming. Don't get me wrong I still have fears when it comes to Chloe, but NOTHING could have prepared for me for what was to come with Addison.

Ever since she was born there has been worry, will her organs support her, will she get an infection in her bowels, is she going to be blind, deaf , mentally or physically handicapped?With she grow to be a happy healthy child? All of these questions have been boggling my mind lately. It's possible that her scar revision surgery this Wednesday is making those fears worse. I will be completely out of the loop for two hours! I will have no idea what the doctors are doing and whether Addison is okay! To me this is scarier than any monster under the bed.....but mom bought a book for Chloe at a yard sale. "The Jester has lost his Jingle".....after reading this book I feel somewhat better. I can't really explain it, I know it was a book meant for children, but everything that book said was true! 

Smile at someone today, give someone you know a compliment, read a book to a child in the hospital, find whatever it is that you can do help bring back the world's jingle. For what is the point of life if we are not laughing and smiling! Trust me it works....I have been through some very painful things, scary things lately, but this Jester has no longer lost her jingle!! I will smile through the pain, I will strike fear into fear itself.......I will no longer allow my fear to dictate my life. How could I? Addison came into this world scared, in pain, and fragile. Still she has managed to fight through and smile......that illuminating smile that starts with her eyes and then moves to her mouth! If she can smile....then so shall we all!!!!